The apparent suicide of Robert Enke, the Hannover 96 and German international goalkeeper has come as a shock to the world of football and is a tragedy for his wife and family.
Reports suggest that he had suffered from depressive illness for many years and that this was exacerbated by the death of his daughter Lara in 2006 when she died of a rare heart condition at the age of two. His wife Teresa said in a press conference, following his death, that he feared that their adopted baby daughter Leila would be taken away if his illness became public knowledge. She said, “It was the fear about what people would say about a child with a depressive father.’
This raises some serious concerns about the way men deal with their own experiences of depression. According to The Royal College of Psychiatrists, men suffer from depression just as often as women, but they are less likely to ask for help. It reports that men are around 3 times more likely to kill themselves than women, with suicide being most common among men who are separated, widowed or divorced.
The Australian men’s health organisation, Foundation 49, also says that men tend to resort to destructive behaviours when depressed. It claims that men are twice as likely as women to abuse drugs and alcohol.
It is clear that many men find it difficult to ask for help when they are depressed. Notions that men must be emotionally and physically strong run very deep in our society. Many men don’t feel comfortable discussing their health – physical or mental – and are reluctant to seek help. The Royal College also suggests that service providers don’t diagnose the condition as readily in men as they do in women. It says:
‘Men who are depressed are more likely to talk about the physical symptoms of their depression than the emotional and psychological ones. This may be one reason why doctors sometimes don’t diagnose it.’
Fathers who are experiencing divorce or separation very often approach support services – if they approach them at all – with caution. Wary of the responses they might receive, they present with a coping, resilient face that masks their true emotional state. Services that don’t understand this and don’t respond accordingly fail to help men deal with their grief and loss.
It needs to be okay for men to express their feelings. Depression should not be viewed as weakness or failure. Our support services need to respond effectively and smartly to the hidden experiences of many, many men.
For help with depression:
CALM Campaign against Living Miserably
Helpline: 0800 58 58 58 Lines open 5pm – 3am.
The campaign against living miserably is about fighting depression amongst young men.
Depression Alliance
Tel: 0845 123 23 20
Information, support and understanding for people who suffer with depression and for relatives who want to help.
Samaritans
Helpline: 08457 909090 (UK) or 1850 609090 (Eire); email: jo@samaritans.org
Samaritans is a registered charity based in the UK and Republic of Ireland that provides confidential emotional support to any person who is suicidal or despairing.
